i don't really know how much tequila is too much
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
