I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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