why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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