so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
