well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
