i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
