it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
