Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
