i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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