Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
