Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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