I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
