Is it normal to miss your booty call?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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