I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
