remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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