Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
