we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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