the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
