How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize