my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
