I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Randomize
