hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
