the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you would pick up someone in the library
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
