idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
