saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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