You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
