I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
