p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
