i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
