I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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