I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
