My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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