Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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