Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
