I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
