you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize