I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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