He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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