Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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