Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
