my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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