I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
