Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
