I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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