so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
