I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
