I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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