pedialite and red bull = repair kit
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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