we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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