i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
