I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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