The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
