I think scott just propositioned me for sex
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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