why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
