we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
