The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
lets start a swedish sibling band together
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
