When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
