Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
