I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
