My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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