I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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