Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
