I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize