now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
