There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize