I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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