She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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