i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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