So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
