note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
