i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i will never coherently bang her
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize